


If Yesterday’s Too Heavy, Put It Down

by ByTheAngell (SomeLittleInfamy)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Immortal Alec Lightwood, Immortal Andrew Underhill, Insecurity, M/M, Uncertainty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:35:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25117003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLittleInfamy/pseuds/ByTheAngell
Summary: When a demon curses Andrew and Alec with immortality the realization is much easier for Alec to accept than it is for Andrew. Not only does he need to come around to the idea for himself, but also figure out if he's secure enough in his relationship with Lorenzo to drop something this monumental on him, afraid it'll ruin them before they ever had a fighting chance.
Relationships: Lorenzo Rey/Andrew Underhill, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 121
Kudos: 228





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This prompt comes from some collective ideas/musing in a very lovely discord server over how Andrew would react to becoming immortal given how new everything with Lorenzo is for him. Thanks for the encouragement when I decided to tackle it and flesh it out for a full fic! <3

It isn’t strange for Alec to call Andrew up to his office to go over some of his security reports, but it _is_ strange for Alec to be pacing by the window when he shows up, and it’s _definitely_ strange for Alec to immediately tell him to come in and close the door behind him. 

“Is everything alright, Sir?” 

“Yes,” Alec says, though there’s an edge to his voice that implies otherwise. “I just have a request that’s… not strictly _off the books_ , per se, but-” 

“Understood,” Andrew says, not needing Alec to explain himself. This isn’t the first time Alec did something that wasn’t sanctioned, and Andrew doubted it’d be the last. Andrew trusts his judgment, however, and is willing to give him the benefit of the doubt that whatever it is will be worth the risk. 

“I’m not sure you do,” Alec says. “There’s a group of young warlocks causing trouble, selling services to mundanes who don’t know what they’re asking for. They’re summoning some rather powerful demons that need to be caught and returned, but… the High Warlock doesn’t want this on the books, because he doesn’t trust the Clave to be fair in their punishment of the children.” 

Sometimes Andrew wonders if Alec knows how good he’s getting at wording what he says to hit all the right points to convince people to agree with him - it’s rather _politician_ of him, and if the rumors of his bid for Inquisitor are true Andrew doesn’t doubt he’s going to do well there. Using the fact that they’re children as a reason for leniency, rather than the sympathies of the warlock who made the request, is clever. 

But the mention of the High Warlock doesn’t escape Andrew, either. “Lorenzo requested this?” 

Lorenzo hadn’t said anything to him about it. Andrew wondered how long this was going on, how long he’s kept it from him during their dates the past week or two. At least this answers why his boyfriend seemed more than a little distracted lately. 

“He did,” Alec confirms. “In fact, the current plan is to keep this to himself and Magnus, and they believe that with a Shadowhunter to use the Alliance rune with, the combined strength of the four of us will be enough to carry this out without drawing unnecessary attention. That is, if you’re agreeable.” 

So there it is. Alec isn’t looking for someone to cover for him, he wants Andrew to be the fourth person on this secret mission. 

“I thought with your relationship with Lorenzo it might be easier with you than someone he doesn’t know as well, or trust as much. Don’t feel like you have to. I can always ask Jace or Izzy or someone else if you say no,” Alec adds quickly. 

Andrew considers the offer. The idea of sharing powers with Lorenzo… his first reaction is to be excited by the idea of having magic at his fingertips, and then eagerness to be useful to Lorenzo in something he obviously feels strongly about. On the other hand, it sounds intimate, at a level that they might not be at quite yet. And what if he isn’t strong enough, or he messes it up? Andrew’s been on countless routine missions before but this one carries more weight than all of them combined no matter how ‘casual’ Alec tries to make it sound. 

All it takes is one thought of how Lorenzo would react to having to work with Jace instead of himself for Andrew to decide he should at least try - if not to prove to himself that he can, then for Lorenzo’s sake. If it’s that important to Lorenzo, then it was important to Andrew. 

“I’m in. What’s the plan?” 

\---

That’s how Andrew ends up in the middle of a ritual he would otherwise have no business being in. He can tell that up until now Magnus and Lorenzo were both doing their best to cover their increasing concern the longer the demon in front of them remains bound, but not sent back to the realm it came from. He knows Alec can feel it too - they aren’t strong enough and there’s no telling how much longer they can hold this before they’re properly overpowered. 

“Bane…” Lorenzo grunts out, his tone cautious. 

“We’re _fine_ ,” Magnus snaps before the question can even be raised. 

“Magnus,” Alec tries. “We can all feel it.” 

“I’m almost there,” Magnus insists, the words strained. 

Andrew exchanges a concerned look with the others, one that Magnus doesn’t see with his eyes closed to better concentrate his energy, and reminds himself that Magnus would never put Alec in unnecessary danger. Either this is worth the risk, or he really does have it under control - either way it’s all Andrew can do to offer what little energy he has left to make that a reality. 

The demon in the middle of their circle snarls. 

“Perhaps if you hadn’t cut yourself off from your father and your birthright you’d be strong enough on your own,” the demon hisses directly at Magnus, trying to get under his skin. It doesn’t appear to work as Magnus remains focused, so the demon turns with a devious glint in its eyes to look between Alec and Andrew. “And you bring _Nephilim_ , allowing them access to our powers? It’s _unnatural_. _Abhorrent,”_ the demon spits out the last word before a slow smirk spreads across its mouth. “Perhaps if your Nephilim toys want to play Warlock so badly they should get the _full experience..._ ” 

The demon lashes out at Andrew and Alec simultaneously with something that feels like a burst of energy. It breaks their grips on Magnus and Lorenzo’s hands and throws them back against the wall on either side of the room. Andrew hits the stone with a thud, his entire body _tingling,_ before slumping down against the ground without the energy it’d take to even try and stand back up to rejoin Lorenzo and Magnus. He glances across the room to see Alec equally motionless. 

Magnus instinctively takes the power they’d been using to keep the barrier going and channels it into an immediate shot of deep crimson magic that’s finally enough to banish the demon, and not a second too soon. The demon’s cry fades to silence as Magnus drops to his knees in exhaustion. 

“Andrew-” Lorenzo starts, the single word strained and weak. Lorenzo manages to remain upright just long enough to make it over to him. “Are you hurt?” 

Andrew isn’t sure how to answer that. His shoulder is bruising from where he hit the wall, he can feel that forming already, and he doesn’t remember being this exhausted in his entire life, but more than that something feels _wrong_. He isn’t in pain, but something he can’t place is just… _off_. 

“I don’t… think so?” Andrew manages. 

“What _was_ that?” Alec asks, propping himself up into a sitting position across the room. 

Neither Lorenzo nor Magnus have the magic left for a proper examination but satisfied that everyone is physically okay enough to travel each open a portal home, Magnus and Alec going back to the loft to recover and Lorenzo taking Andrew back to his house to rest. 

\--- 

It takes two full days of sleeping and eating and sleeping some more before Andrew feels well enough to return to the Institute. Okay, maybe there are a few _extra_ activities in there that he and Lorenzo could’ve forgone to recover faster, but he’s certainly not complaining. 

Something still feels off but he doesn’t mention it. With the warlocks who summoned the demon to deal with and backed up work at the Institute when he and Alec return, the last thing they need is a vague, probably just in his head worry to add to their list of problems to deal with. For the most part, Andrew manages to ignore it.

That is, until a few weeks later when Alec comes to him in the surveillance room, checking to make sure they were alone before speaking. 

“Hey,” Alec starts slowly, in that way which implies he has something he’s still not sure how to say on his mind. “How have you felt since we banished that demon?” 

“You mean since that demon hit us with _whatever_ that magic was?” Andrew questions. 

Alec nods. “So you definitely feel it, too?” 

“It felt like my blood was tingling for days,” Andrew admits. “And something still feels off, but I can’t pinpoint what, so I haven’t brought it up.” 

Alec is still nodding. “Same,” he agrees. “Magnus took longer than normal to recover, but when he did he gave me a quick once-over and didn’t find anything wrong.” 

Still, if they both still felt the same strangeness this long after it was over, it had to be more than _nothing_ didn’t it? 

“Maybe Isabelle could run some tests, just to cover all our bases?” Andrew suggests. 

“Sure,” Alec agrees easily. “I’ll have her set one up.” 

\---

It’s only a day after Isabelle took samples from each of them and said she’d let them know what she turned up before she’s already calling them back to her lab. 

“I’m going to need a longer range of samples. You’ll both have to come back once a week for the next… let’s say three weeks, just to be sure,” she says as casually as possible. 

“Sure of what?” Andrew asks immediately. 

“I don’t know,” Izzy admits. “By all accounts, you’re physically fine, don’t worry,” she adds quickly. 

“What aren’t you telling us?” Alec demands more directly. 

“Nothing! There’s nothing to tell, not until I have more samples to compare,” she insists, but there’s an edge to her tone that neither of them like. As wary as they are of Isabelle’s obvious avoidance there isn’t much either of them can do about it. 

So Andrew waits. 

\---

Three weeks later Andrew and Alec are both back in the lab, and Isabelle hasn’t stopped pacing since they arrived. 

“Alright, I need you both to just… not freak out, okay?” 

“That isn’t helping,” Alec says immediately on edge. 

“What is it?” Andrew prompts. 

“So, I ran the tests. I couldn’t be certain at first when the original samples came back matching particular elements of warlock and vampire DNA we have on file, but after comparing the ones from last month to the ones from yesterday…” Isabelle hesitates, hands wringing in front of her, biting a bit on the corner of her lower lip. 

“Just spit it out, Iz,” Alec says, his anxious tone matching how Andrew feels though he’d never snap at Isabelle that way. One of the perks of being related. 

“I think the two of you stopped aging,” she says. 

“What?” Alec sputters, eyes wide. 

“You _think_?” Andrew asks, wondering how much uncertainty there is here. 

“Okay, I _know_ , pretty much. The tests seem pretty conclusive but it isn’t like I have anything to base it off of. No one’s ever just… _become immortal_ before. But there’s nothing else this can be.” 

Immortal. Somehow it seemed less severe when she’d originally said ‘stopped aging’, though they mean the same thing. But to hear the word _immortal_ , it held a certain weight to it, one that Andrew didn’t like one bit. 

The room is silent for a long time after that, the significance of Isabelle’s findings settling over them. It’s suffocating. 

“No,” Andrew says, shaking his head. “No, that has to be wrong. Do another test. Another dozen tests! It has to be something else.” 

“Does it?” Alec speaks up suddenly. “Remember what that demon said before it lashed out at us?” 

Andrew tries to think back. “It said sharing warlock magic was unnatural,” he remembers. 

“It said something about giving us the ‘full experience’ of being a warlock,” Alec recalls. The moment he says the words Andrew remembers, though he hadn’t before. It just sounded like nonsense at the time, just gloating to distract them. “What if it cursed us?” 

Andrew pales at the thought. He grows still, trying to remind himself to breathe. “Then there has to be a counter, doesn’t there? Some spell that will undo it, or a potion, or--” the words tumble out of Andrew’s mouth in a panic. “--or _something_.” He looks over at Alec who fell into a strange calm, and looks almost guilty for a moment, though Andrew can’t imagine why. “Alec?” 

“What if I don’t want to undo it?” Alec says quietly. 

“What are you talking about? Why wouldn’t you-” but his words fall away abruptly. “Oh.” Magnus. Of course Alec wouldn’t mind the idea of immortality if he gets to spend his eternity with the man he loves. But Andrew doesn’t have that. 

Andrew has a new relationship with a Warlock he isn’t sure even loves him, let alone loves him enough to spend _forever_ with him. That isn’t what Lorenzo signed up for. That isn’t what _Andrew_ signed up for! And if they can’t find a way to reverse this Andrew knows he’s facing the reality of an eternity entirely alone and he isn’t sure he can handle that. 

No, scratch that, he’s absolutely positive he can’t handle that. 

“It’s fine. We’ll talk to Magnus and Lorenzo, and-” 

“No.” Andrew says the word immediately, Lorenzo’s name snapping him out of his spiraling thoughts. “No, you can’t tell Lorenzo.” 

All he can imagine is the fact that the second Lorenzo finds out this is over - _they’re_ over - and he doesn’t want that. Not yet. It’s still so new, Andrew doesn’t want to scare him away before he ever gets the chance to really know him. He deserves that much, he thinks selfishly. 

“You have to tell him,” Alec says. 

“Not yet. Please, Alec,” Andrew pleads. He doesn’t care how desperate it makes him look. He needs time to process this, to figure it out. “I’ll tell him, I swear I will, just… not yet.” 

“I have to tell Magnus,” Alec points out, but his expression softens at the look on Andrew’s face. “But I’ll ask him to keep it between us. I can’t promise he will, I can’t make him, but I can ask.” 

“Thank you,” Andrew sighs. 

The number of thoughts that cross Andrew’s mind at that moment is staggering. He thinks of the number of people who would literally kill for a chance at immortality. He thinks of what he can accomplish with potentially limitless time to learn and improve, the skills he can develop, the people he can help. 

He thinks that even considering the positives, if given a choice he wouldn’t choose it, and the guilt of something like this being wasted on him is overwhelming.

“I’d like to take the rest of the day off if that’s alright?” Andrew asks, and his own voice sounds weary in his ears. 

“Of course, Andrew,” Alec agrees immediately. “Are you alright, though? You can stay here if you want, or come hang out and the Loft with me for a bit.” 

Andrew knows that Alec wants to make sure he isn’t unstable or about to run off and do something stupid, a concern he’s grateful for even if it isn’t needed. 

“I’m fine, really. I just need some time to process,” Andrew reassures him, giving what he hopes is a reassuring smile to both Alec and Isabelle before leaving the room and heading straight for the exit. He isn’t sure where he’s going, he just knows he needs to get out of there and clear his head. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec tells Magnus about Isabelle's discovery, and Magnus reacts to the unexpected news. Alec and Andrew have another talk on the subject as well.

Alec feels terrible for being not-so-secretly thrilled at the news, especially after seeing the way Andrew reacted to it. He can’t help it, though. He’s very subtly been researching possible ways to become immortal, outside of the obvious vampire route, and this… this feels like a gift more than a curse, honestly.

“Alec, are you _actually_ alright?” Isabelle asks the moment Andrew’s gone. He doesn’t blame her for being skeptical - she doesn’t know anything of his little research project, and it isn’t unlike him to pretend to be fine for the benefit of those around him.

He knows that when he nods and swears that he’s fine it’s the most honest he’s been in a while. “This is… this can be good for me, Iz. I know it’ll be weird, and I hate the thought of staying behind while you and Jace and-” his words break off then, emotion cracking through before he can clear his throat. “But an eternity with Magnus, if he’ll have me?” Alec sighs, but it’s one of contentment. “It’s all I can hope for.”

“Then you better take the day, too,” Izzy says, and to her credit, she manages to keep her words from wavering too much at the idea of Alec staying behind long after she’s gone. “Talk to Magnus, I’ll take care of things here. Let me know if you need _anything_.”

She doesn’t say it, but the implication is there. If Magnus doesn’t react well or if he isn’t as keen about the idea as Alec is, he knows he can turn to Izzy for support, and Jace too once he’s filled in.

“Don’t tell Jace yet, alright? I want it to come from me.”

Izzy nods, settling back to her research and notes as Alec takes his own leave after Andrew.

The walk back to the Loft feels like an eternity but it gives him enough time to really think about what he’s going to say. He needs the best way to approach this so Magnus doesn’t immediately freak out. Of course, all of that goes out the window the moment he opens the front door and sees Magnus sitting there, lounging on the sofa with a glass of wine next to him and a book open in his hands, wearing one of Alec’s slightly-oversized-sweaters. All it takes is the thought of coming home to this every single day for the rest of _both_ of their lives and everything he practiced in his head is gone.

“Alexander, you’re home early. Is something wrong?” Magnus says, closing the book with a concerned pinch of his eyebrows.

“I think I’m immortal,” Alec blurts out, suddenly unable to remember all of the tactful and subtle ways he’d imagined building up to it. He just needs it out there, he needs to know what Magnus will think, praying to the Angel that they’ll be on the same page about this.

“I’m sorry, what?” Magnus asks. “I must’ve heard that wrong because it sounded like you just said you think that you’re _immortal_.”

Alec nods, suddenly much less sure of himself. “I did. Izzy ran some tests after Andrew and I felt off the past few weeks. I think that demon, the one we banished with Lorenzo, might’ve done something to us.”

Magnus takes this in for several long moments. “And you’re surprisingly calm about it,” he observes.

“It isn’t ideal, but… it isn’t all bad, is it? I know when you married me and we promised forever we thought it was just, y’know, _my_ forever,” Alec says, doing his best to keep his words even and sure. “But would it be so bad if it was _your_ forever?”

Magnus purses his lips together and Alec’s mood drops with every passing second he doesn’t immediately agree that this is a good thing. Why isn’t he happier about this?

“Alexander…” Magnus starts slowly, and all of Alec’s cautious optimism vanishes at once. He knows that tone. It’s the tone Magnus takes when he’s about to correct him or say something he knows Alec isn’t going to like. This is _not_ a conversation Alec wants that tone to have any part of.

“I don’t think you’ve given this the consideration it deserves. This isn’t just being married forever. It’s _living_. Forever. Not just with me, but with the world at large, through countless wars and diseases and generations of people you’ll get attached to growing old and dying. This is so much more than just waking up next to me for a couple hundred years, Alec.”

“I know,” Alec insists. “I’ve been looking into it on my own, a little bit. I haven’t found anything, but this isn’t just something I’ve thought about since this morning with Izzy. I’ve been giving it a _lot_ of thought, actually. More than I probably should’ve for something I never expected to actually get,” he admits. “I want this. I’m okay with it. I’m _more than_ okay with it.”

Magnus falls silent again, clearly debating his next words carefully.

“And if I’m not?” Magnus says finally.

Alec tenses. “What do you mean?”

“What if _I_ don’t want that forever? Then what will you do?”

Alec’s heart skips several beats though he does his best not to show it. He can’t tell if this is a test or if Magnus really means it; if he doesn’t want to stay with Alec forever. “Then I’ll make do. I’ll have Simon if no one else. And the changes I can make with entire lifetimes ahead of me…” Alec swallows thickly. He doesn’t want to consider his life without Magnus but he knows that he isn’t the same person he was before he met him. He isn’t going to allow his life to go right back to feeling meaningless without him, not now that he knows what he’s capable of. He’d rather do it with Magnus by his side, but he can do it without him if he has to, he knows that now.

“I’ll make do,” he repeats again.

Magnus listens intently. “You really are okay with this, aren’t you?”

Alec nods. “I am.”

“Then I am, too. I love you, Alec, and I care about you more than I’ve ever cared about anyone else in all my years. I can’t promise you it’s going to be easy, or that both of us, or either of us, will want to stay together for the rest of a literal eternity, but I can promise it’s going to take more than a few centuries to get rid of me,” Magnus says finally.

Alec laughs, relieved and reassured all at once. “As if a few centuries would ever be enough for me to want to get rid of you,” he says, and means every single word. They move together instinctively and at that moment Alec knows that no matter what they might say out loud, nothing could ever stop the pull he feels toward Magnus, not now, not in a century, and not in a dozen centuries. There’s a slow tenderness to their kiss, the soft lingering touches that promise nothing but time for many, many more.

As he pulls away, however, Magnus’ expression shifts. “If that was a curse, then that means Andrew’s immortal, too?”

Alec sighs. “It does. He’s, uh, not as receptive to the idea as I am. And I have to ask you something for him; he doesn’t want Lorenzo to know.”

Magnus balks. “What?”

“Please, Magnus. He just needs some time. And I don’t exactly plan on broadcasting this, not until we’re positive and know a little bit more about how it works, so we can keep it between us, right?”

Magnus doesn’t answer at first. “I suppose it isn’t for us to tell him,” Magnus concedes. “But it has to come out eventually. Andrew knows that, right?”

Alec nods. “Yeah, he does. He’ll tell him soon,” Alec repeats, though he isn’t so sure he believes that Andrew has plans to make that revelation any time soon. He looks back at Magnus, careful to make and hold eye contact again. “But they aren’t our problem. You’re really okay with this, right? I don’t just want you going along with it to make me feel better.”

“I think we should look into it more,” Magnus admits. “See what options are out there, not just for you but for Andrew as well, but if this is really what you want…”

“Why is that so hard to believe?” Alec asks, eyebrow raised.

“Because it was difficult enough for me to think you wanted to be with me for the rest of your mortal life, Alexander. It was damn near impossible for me to think _anyone_ would want to marry me for a year, let alone decades. But the idea of centuries, it’s… I just don’t think you comprehend the scope of that.”

Alec shakes his head. “I do… Magnus, you’re everything to me. And you always will be. Whether always is a year from now or a century. And I’m going to prove that to you one day at a time for as long as you’ll have me.”

Something in Magnus’ concerned, slightly defensive gaze softens at those words, a small smile tugging at the corners of his previously downturned lips.

“Alright then. A day at a time it is,” Magnus agrees.

Alec knows they aren’t done talking about this, even if he did seem to come out of this initial discussion as victorious as possible, but it’s enough for now.

\---

“How did Magnus take it?” Andrew asks Alec the moment the office door shuts behind them. Isabelle insisted the moment they walked in the door that morning that they can both take more time off if they needed it, and both of them insisted that they didn’t. However, Andrew didn’t even hesitate before following Alec up to his office to talk. Alec notes the bags under his eyes and the way his hands fidget and shake slightly, wondering if he slept at all and how much coffee he had that morning to make up for it.

“Pretty well, actually,” Alec says, allowing some surprise to show through his words. He wants Andrew to know that this doesn’t have to end disastrously, but also not rub it in his face that it turned out near-perfect for him… which turns out to be a surprisingly difficult line to walk. “Magnus said he’ll start looking into potential reversals, though. If the option exists he wants it there for both of us.”

Andrew nods. “Thank you,” he says, pacing back and forth a bit. “I know you don’t want it… and he’s pretty much only doing it for me, so… thank you.”

Alec shakes his head. “No, really - I say it went pretty well, but that doesn’t mean he’s 100% on board. Magnus is convinced I’ll change my mind, if not right away then eventually. This isn’t just for you, I promise.”

Andrew actually laughs at that. “He thinks you’ll change your mind? Does he know you?”

Alec laughs as well, taking a seat in his desk chair but making no move to deal with any of the papers in front of him just yet. “He’s got a lot longer to figure it out than he did before, now.”

It feels weird to try and joke about this, to normalize it into their daily conversation now.

“I don’t suppose you told anyone?” Alec asks, just to make sure.

Andrew shakes his head, and instead of continuing to pace he makes his way over to the sofa and sinks into it. “Sorry, I just… I can’t. I’m not ready yet.”

“There’s no need to apologize, Andrew,” Alec reassures him. “It’s a lot to deal with. Magnus and I will be here for you if you need to talk to someone until then.”

“Raziel, I wish I was taking this as well as you,” Andrew sighs. “I never considered, even in imagining things with Lorenzo going as well as possible and we get what you and Magnus have… I never even _humored_ the idea of trying to prolong my life, not for either of our sakes. What does that say about me?”

“It says that you’re practical,” Alec points out. “Don’t base your own reaction off of me, I think it’s pretty safe to say I’m the exception to the rule here. Most people would feel exactly like you do right now if they were us.”

Andrew makes a small humming noise at that but says nothing. They sit in silence for a few minutes before Andrew speaks again, very quietly. “What if I’m not strong enough for this?”

Alec isn’t sure if he specifically means telling Lorenzo, or immortality in general, but decides that it doesn’t matter because his answer is the same either way. Something Magnus said to him once comes to his mind very suddenly: _'You endure what is unbearable, and you bear it’._

“You are,” Alec tells him with certainty. “Because you have to be. We both do.”

Alec isn’t sure how much Andrew likes that answer, but it’s the truth. Unless someone finds a counter or a cure it doesn’t matter how much either of them does or doesn’t want this, it’s both of their burdens to bear.

“Just so you know,” Alec starts slowly, finally glancing down at the papers in front of him. “Lorenzo has an appointment today to go over the warding, maybe while he’s here we can all-”

“You know, on second thought,” Andrew says abruptly, standing up with a slightly panicked look in his eyes. “I think I might take that extra time off. I’m not sure I’ll be much good to anyone today.”

Alec’s heart aches for his friend, to see the turmoil evident in every look, to hear the uncertainty in every word.

“Of course,” Alec agrees. “Take all the time you need. Just promise you’ll talk to me, or Magnus, or _someone_ if you need to. You're not in this alone, Andrew. We can figure this out together.”

They’re friends, good friends, but not good enough that Alec feels he has the right to smother Andrew with concern and watch over him 24/7, as worried as he might be about how he’s taking all of this. He just wants Andrew to know that the option is there without forcing it on him. This happened to both of them, after all.

Andrew nods and leaves the office without another reply, leaving Alec alone again as he settles in to face the day.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus does his best to be supportive and offer what advice he can to both Alexander and Andrew, even if they might not always take it.

Magnus can’t help but think back to the last time he thought he had forever - a proper, eternal forever - with someone. He thinks back to a red gemstone necklace, to a vampire he gave his heart to _forever_ , only to have ‘forever’ last less time than some of his relationships with mortals. He knows better than to be naive enough to allow himself to believe that he and Alec will actually be together for a proper forever. However, the idea of having more than a handful of decades with Alec is more than he ever imagined he’d have and he’s grateful for the possibility of them.

For what it’s worth, Alec truly seems to believe the words he says. Magnus knows that he can’t possibly grasp the idea of what living forever will actually entail, what that sort of burden and the losses that come with it will truly feel like over time, but he seems to have given it more consideration than Magnus first thought. Selfishly, he’s glad that Alec wants it. Magnus wants it _for them_ , more than he’d ever admit given the normal alternatives to obtaining it. He hates that the choice was taken from them, away from Alec, but in a way, it makes the situation easier. He won’t have to tell his family and friends that he chose a life that would go on long after they’re dead, he’ll at least be spared that particular hardship, even if it’s a choice he would’ve made willingly.

And, just as selfishly, should things go sour between them then Magnus doesn’t have to live with the burden that it was a choice Alec made _for him_ should he come to regret it.

That isn’t to say they’re just accepting it and moving on. As promised, Magnus gets permission to inform Catarina so that she can perform an extensive series of exams on both him and Underhill to make sure there aren’t any side-effects that Isabelle’s normal medical tests may have missed. Andrew agrees, again on the terms that Catarina does not say anything to anyone else, especially not to Lorenzo.

In fact, that seems to be the only part of this Underhill cares about, given the first words out of his mouth when he comes over to Magnus’ loft to meet with himself, Alexander, and Catarina.

“I just wanted to thank you for keeping this between us,” Underhill says.

“Of course,” Magnus says, but he frowns. “Just for now,” Magnus emphasizes. “Right?”

Underhill shifts uncomfortably and Magnus takes this opportunity while Alec is off chatting to Cat about something to have a bit of a heart-to-heart with the Shadowhunter he doesn’t know all that well.

“Listen, I know it isn’t… ideal. But he deserves to know, too. Especially if you two are-”

“That’s the thing,” Underhill cuts him off. “We’re seeing each other, yeah. And it’s good. Like, surprisingly good. But he hasn’t even said he loves me yet,” Underhill sighs. “I mean, I haven’t said it yet either, but that’s the whole point. We aren’t _there_ yet, I can’t just go and drop _immortality_ on him.”

“Can’t you?” Magnus counters, his tone kind. He isn’t trying to judge Underhill for his fear or rush the decision, he just wants to make sure that Underhill is thinking this through properly. “Don’t you think this might be something that’d be better to develop your relationship _around_ the knowledge of, rather than lying about it?”

Underhill pales, his hands tensing into fists at his side for a moment. “I’m not… I’m not _lying_. I just haven’t told him yet. I’m sure there are plenty of things about him that I should know that he hasn’t told _me_ yet. It’s… like that.”

At least he didn’t say ‘it’s the same’, Magnus thinks. While Underhill has a point, he’s positive there are plenty of things that Lorenzo is keeping from the Shadowhunter, a few centuries’ worth, most likely, he doesn’t think it’s quite the same.

Mangus begins to wonder if this is really a conversation he wants to be having. He doesn’t owe any sort of personal friendship allegiance to Underhill or Rey to be taking sides, but he does have a personal sense of right and wrong, and keeping this from Rey feels _wrong_.

Cat and Alec are making their way over and Mangus can only take a deep breath and nod, cutting their conversation short. “For what it’s worth, I think you should tell him. And sooner, rather than later. But I won’t take that decision from you-” Magnus adds quickly when Underhill immediately opens his mouth to speak again. “-so no need to worry about that on top of everything else.”

“Thank you. Again,” Underhill says. “I’ll think about what you said.”

Alec gives them a strange look but doesn’t ask, trusting Magnus to fill him in later if it’s important.

At the end of three hours full of Catarina pulling out all the healing and medical magic she can think of, they can at least say that Alec and Underhill appear to be fine, all things considered. In very simplified terms, the curse simply stopped their cells from aging and deteriorating - their hair and nails will still grow, they may gain and lose weight, but they’re no longer aging. Outside of that change, they’re still fully human, fully Shadowhunters, with nothing tarnishing their Nephilim blood or abilities.

All in all, it could certainly be worse. Magnus wonders if the demon meant to do more harm than it did, or if it simply understood the true weight of an immortal existence.

“You’re still going to look into a counter, right?” Underhill asks on his way out.

“Of course,” Cat promises, and Magnus feels for him. Alec took the news surprisingly well but Underhill is reacting in much the way Magnus would anticipate someone to react when faced with the news that they’re suddenly immortal: afraid, uncertain, upset.

And they do look for a counter to the curse, of course they do. Magnus would like to have it as an option for Alexander as well, just in case, and so Magnus and Catarina make several appointments with old friends who might be more knowledgeable on the subject as well as trips to the Spiral Labyrinth to look into some of the texts there.

They look for days, which turn into weeks, which turn into months. As their search draws out, the time they have to devote to the cause grows more sparse - there are always new problems cropping up in the Shadow World, after all, and it isn’t as if this is public knowledge they can cite for putting other tasks off.

He and Alexander have a number of serious discussions on the matter, with Magnus doing his best to ease Alec into the less pleasant aspects of the future he now faces. Alec tells Jace, because of course he can’t keep this from his parabatai, but that’s it.

Magnus does his best to be supportive and not try and step in too often. When Alec doesn’t tell his parents, or Max, or anyone else, Magnus can only reassure him that he’ll be there when he’s ready. Alec decides to wait until Andrew’s ready to tell Lorenzo before he spreads the word too far... but of course, that’s at the beginning. The longer Andrew keeps his own secret, the more difficult Magnus can tell it is for Alec to do the same.

“You can tell them if you want,” Magnus reminds him one night, watching the way Alec fiddles with the cell phone in his hands after hanging up from a call with his mom. “You don’t _have_ to wait.”

Alec shakes his head. “No. I just want to give Andrew a little more time… I can barely keep Jace and Izzy quiet about it, you know once my parents find out the entire Clave will know by dinner.”

Magnus tried to push the issue a few times before but doesn’t anymore. As much as telling Lorenzo is Underhill’s decision, telling his parents is Alec’s - Magnus might strongly believe that sooner is better for both of them but he has to remind himself that it isn’t his call to make. If Alec wants to wait for Underhill, that’s his decision. However, Magnus starts to wonder if Alec might be using waiting for Underhill as an excuse to push off talking to his parents because he isn’t sure how to break the news to them.

It’s only a matter of time, Magnus knows... but that time stretches on longer and longer with no change. There’s no cure to be found, nothing new in Catarina’s medical examinations, and no changes in Underhill’s reluctance to talk to Lorenzo. Magnus asks him occasionally, always hoping that the answer will be different, but it never is. What he does discover is that Andrew is very, very much in love with the warlock. Magnus assumes this will make the decision to tell him about the curse easier, but apparently he’s wrong.

“Don’t you get it?” Underhill tells Magnus one of the times he checks in with him. “If I tell him now it’ll feel like I’m manipulating him into staying with me. I don’t want that. I want him to want to stay on his own, not out of guilt.”

“I doubt Lorenzo will do anything he doesn’t want to do,” Magnus says, with a hint of a well-meant jab at Lorenzo’s typically self-serving nature. He half-expects Andrew to take offense to the implication.

Instead, the Shadowhunter gives Magnus a small smile. “You don’t know him like I do,” Underhill says simply.

“Do you know him well enough to trust that he’d be honest with you, for better or worse, after you tell him what happened?” Magnus suggests. By now there’s no denying what he thinks Underhill should do, his words and questions obviously biased towards that result.

Andrew considers it for a second, then frowns. “I don’t know,” he admits. “I hope he would… I’d like to think he would, but I’m not positive. I just want to be sure before I do something I can’t take back.”

Okay, perhaps Magnus can get that on some level, even if he doesn’t completely agree with it. It isn’t the decision he’d make but it also isn’t his decision _to_ make, as much as he and Alec try to sway Underhill into seeing things from their perspective. They’ve been down this road before, after all - more than once, with mistakes made on both their parts enough to know it’s a bad idea all around.

Magnus decides to offer one last bit of advice before Andrew leaves. “Everyone thinks they’re better at hiding secrets than they are; it’s only a matter of time before he finds out something’s up. Trust me when I say you want him to hear it from you.”

\---

Magnus doesn’t talk to Andrew much after that - really, he’s said all he can to help and the rest is up to him to come to terms with.

Nearly six months after that fateful off-the-record mission there’s a knock at his door, and Magnus opens it to find himself face-to-face with a rather distressed looking Lorenzo Rey.

“Bane,” Lorenzo says by way of a greeting. “I don’t suppose you have a moment to talk?”

The request catches Magnus off guard. They don’t hate one another by any means, they’re actually quite friendly these days in professional settings, but it isn’t like Lorenzo to simply drop by unannounced for a little chat. Magnus certainly doesn’t expect the next words that come out of Lorenzo’s mouth.

“I could use your advice.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lorenzo senses a turning point on the horizon and goes to Magnus for advice.

Lorenzo isn’t proud of the fact that he’s resorted to seeking _relationship advice_ from Magnus Bane of all people, but honestly, he doesn’t have anywhere better to turn. Magnus is also involved with a Shadowhunter, with a mortal, so it makes sense that he’s who Lorenzo should seek out regarding this particular matter of the heart. 

Or maybe he won’t, Lorenzo thinks with immediate concern judging by the look of pure incredulity Magnus gives him at the doorway. 

Except he’s desperate, so instead of changing his mind Lorenzo waits in the silence that follows his request. Then, in a show of how truly desperate he is, Lorenzo swallows thickly and takes a deep breath before reluctantly adding a grudging, “Please?” 

At that Magnus seems to realize the importance of whatever he needs to discuss and moves back from the doorframe, opening it wide to allow Lorenzo plenty of room to enter. 

“Thank you,” Lorenzo says. Instead of waiting for Magnus or situating himself at the table or the chairs in the living area, Lorenzo makes a beeline for the drink cart in the corner. “May I?” 

“Of course,” Magnus says, eyeing him with a raised eyebrow. “Pour two.” 

Lorenzo makes two of his signature Old Fashions, walking one over to Magnus who waits for him on the sofa now. Magnus takes a sip from his glass and pulls a face, looking up at Lorenzo with concern now. 

“Starting the conversation with a drink this strong, should I be concerned?” Magnus asks. 

Lorenzo huffs out a derisive laugh. “Not for yourself.” 

“Are you alright?” Magnus asks in turn, and Lorenzo is surprised to hear a tone of actual concern behind the words. Maybe it’s the fact that Lorenzo’s fingernails haven’t stopped tapping on the side of his glass, or that his leg bounces anxiously in front of him. Maybe it’s the way his eyes dart around the room and land anywhere but on the very man he came here to speak with. 

“Yes. No. I don’t know,” Lorenzo sighs, taking a seat opposite Magnus. “How do you deal with Lightwood’s mortality?” 

Magnus nearly spits out the sip of drink he just took. “What?” 

“Apologies. That was rather abrupt, wasn’t it?” Lorenzo has the decency to look apologetic. “But the two of you are _married_ , so clearly this is something you’ve dealt with. _How?”_

“Lorenzo, you’ve lived long enough to know there isn’t any good way to handle the inevitable deaths of people we grow close to,” Magnus says slowly. 

“Yes, I know, but I’ve never... Andrew is the first…” Lorenzo frowns. “He’s the first mortal I’ve been with for anything more than the occasional tryst, and I’m not sure I’m cut out for this.” 

There. He said it. He doesn’t feel particularly good about it, but it’s the reason he’s here and he might as well be as honest as possible if he’s going to get anything out of Magnus on the subject. 

“Oh,” Magnus says quietly. “I see.” 

Lorenzo downs a generous portion of his drink and sinks back further into the chair. 

“What brought this on all of a sudden?” Magnus asks. 

“If I’m being honest, it isn’t all that sudden. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. Things between Andrew and myself are going well. _Really_ well. But every once and a while Andrew will bring up my immortality and ask a question about it, then get evasive and change the subject.” Lorenzo watches something shift in Magnus’ expression at that but he doesn’t interrupt. “I know we need to discuss it properly, but…” 

Lorenzo allows his words to trail off again. Normally speaking is not a problem for him - he always has the most eloquent words to express himself, never shying away from the truth. But now he doubts himself. He knows what he wants, but he’s afraid he can’t handle the weight of it. 

It’s the heart of everything: the future. The possibility of Andrew eventually resenting Lorenzo’s inability to grow old with him enough to leave him, or Lorenzo growing tired of Andrew as he ages, or the idea of both of them remaining very much in love for the rest of Andrew’s life until he dies and Lorenzo is helpless to do anything but watch. There’s no winning. There’s no happy ending. 

“How do you do it? How do you stay, knowing the inevitable heartache the future will bring?” 

“You stay because it’s worth it. The love, while you have it, is worth the loss you know you’ll suffer later,” Magnus says. He makes it sound so simple, like the decision is getting waffles over pancakes for breakfast instead of choosing to spend the rest of someone’s life with them while they grow old and die before your eyes while you can do nothing to stop it. 

“I want to believe that,” Lorenzo says. “But past experience tells me otherwise.” 

He knows that’s a defeatist, generalized stance to take, but he can’t help it. There’s a reason most of his past relationships were on the brief side and he knows how selfish that reason is. What he and Andrew have… it’s real. At least, Lorenzo _thinks_ it is. It’s more real than anything he’s ever felt before and, quite frankly, that terrifies him. 

“Underhill isn’t your past,” Magnus points out.”You can’t make decisions about him based on other people.” 

“Not other people,” Lorenzo corrects. “Me. I’m not like you, Magnus. When things get too difficult I leave and start over. It’s what I’ve always done. I don’t know if I can stomach watching the resentment grow in his eyes the longer I stay youthful and he grows old... I don’t know if I can stay and watch someone I love die.” 

Magnus’ eyes widen a bit at that. “Do you? Love him?” 

Lorenzo hadn’t noticed the choice of words until Magnus pointed it out, and when he did he froze. He hadn’t said it before now, not to Andrew, not to anyone… but he’d thought it. He’d been thinking it for a while now, and that’s most of the reason why he’s here. 

Maybe this is what he really needed to admit to himself before he could start to deal with anything that follows. 

“Perhaps,” he relents, not fooling Magnus or himself with his sudden backtracking. 

“Then talk to him,” Magnus says. “Bring this up with him, not me. Maybe he won’t want you to watch him grow old and you’ll both agree to end things in a few years. Or maybe… maybe he’ll have an alternative you didn’t consider.” There’s something definitely suggestive in Magnus’ tone now, but if his words allude to something Lorenzo doesn’t know what. “You might claim you don’t trust yourself not to run but I don’t think that’s true. I think if you truly love him you’ll stay, no matter how hard it gets.” 

Magnus’ belief in him catches Lorenzo off guard. He doesn’t know what he expected when he showed up - a bit of perspective, maybe? Or perhaps he came to Magnus expecting him to agree that he’s right to expect the worst of himself, which obviously didn’t happen. 

“Yes, well, I suppose we’ll have to wait and see about that,” Lorenzo says. “I should get going,” he adds abruptly. There’s no use drawing this out - he’s said his piece, Magnus gave his advice, and it looks like he has a lot of thinking to do. 

“Listen…” Magnus starts but hesitates. Lorenzo looks back expectantly, watching a flurry of conflicting emotions cross his features. It’s a long enough pause that Lorenzo wonders if he’ll say anything at all before he finally says, “I think both of you have what it takes to make this work. You just have to trust each other.” 

“You can’t repeat any of this, Magnus. Promise me,” Lorenzo adds, suddenly cursing the fact that he didn’t make that clear from the start. It isn’t like him to lay himself bear like this, to show such vulnerability to someone who could very easily turn around and use it against him. He could tell Lightwood, and Lightwood would tell Andrew, and Lorenzo simply can’t have that. 

Magnus looks like he might argue at first but finally nods. “Alright. But I think you should talk to Underhill. This isn’t a decision you should make for both of you, and I think he might surprise you if you give him the chance.” 

Lorenzo feels like there’s something Magnus isn’t telling him, but he doesn’t ask. He has enough on his mind without adding more questions he isn’t sure he wants the answer to just then. 

“Thank you for the advice, Magnus,” Lorenzo says as he makes his way to the door to see himself out. 

“I hope it all works out, Lorenzo,” Magnus says before the door closes and Lorenzo stands alone in the hallway. 

_Me too,_ he thinks, pulling out his phone to glance at Andrew’s name in his contact list. He looks at it for several long seconds in consideration before shutting off the screen and putting the phone back in his pocket. 

He needs to sleep on this. He’ll talk with Andrew in the morning. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lorenzo has a heart-to-heart with Andrew that opens up the door for a long-overdue admission.

Andrew knows he can’t keep this secret any longer. Alec warned him that he and Magnus needed to make things public about his own future now that he’s starting to get offers from the Council for positions in Alicante, and there’s no way to talk about how it happened without them finding out Alec isn’t the only one affected. Which is fine - Andrew doesn’t blame him, and honestly, Alec kept this quiet for him much longer than he reasonably could’ve hoped for. It’s just… time.

Andrew hasn’t managed it quite yet, however, and he wonders if he lost his chance when he gets a call from Lorenzo asking him to come by his house because there’s something he wants to discuss with him.

This is it, Andrew thinks. The ‘we need to talk’ talk. His heart sinks as he says he’s free later that night to swing by, trying not to let the surge of panic he feels show in his voice.

“Should I be worried?” Andrew asks, greeting Lorenzo with a quick kiss when he arrives at the warlock’s home after his shift at the Institute.

“No,” Lorenzo says quickly. Too quickly, Andrew thinks. “I just have something I need to tell you, and before I do, I want you to know that I have no expectations for your reaction. However you feel, whatever you want to do, I completely understand.”

“Now I’m definitely worried,” Andrew says, and though he gives a short laugh there’s a nervous edge to the sound.

“These past few months have been… well, they’ve been wonderful. The best I’ve had in decades, if I’m being honest, and that’s in no small part because of you, Andrew.” Lorenzo’s tone is fond, his smile soft.

“Me too,” Andrew agrees, though his own smile is too tense. “Well, not the ‘decades’ part, but… you know what I mean.”

Lorenzo laughs a little at that. “I do,” he says. “Which is why I need to be honest with you. This, _us_ , is new for me. Before now I’ve spent a lot of time leaving when things get too serious and keeping people at arm’s length. It isn’t that I didn’t care, but that I was too afraid of losing them later, and somewhere along the line I decided it was easier to not keep anyone around to lose.”

“Lorenzo…” Andrew starts slowly. “Are you breaking up with me?”

Lorenzo’s eyes widen in a mixture of surprise and horror. “No! Though I can see why you’d think that, I’m making a mess of this, aren’t I?” he shakes his head. “But no. Quite the opposite, actually.”

Andrew waits, not daring to hope that means what Andrew thinks it means until the words leave Lorenzo’s mouth.

“I love you, Andrew,” Lorenzo speaks the words and then smiles - no, he practically _beams_ with the admission. “And I know there are things we haven’t talked about that we probably should - things like my immortality, and what a future for us might look like if you want one - but they’re discussions I want to have because I want to give us a fighting chance. I.. I want to let you in.”

There’s a relief in Lorenzo’s words as he finishes that’s nearly palpable, and Andrew can see the look of vulnerability behind his usually stoic and confident dark brown eyes.

Andrew is also positive that the guilt on his own expression has to be obvious with how strongly he feels it. Here’s Lorenzo, bearing his soul to him about being honest and unguarded and letting him in, and Andrew’s been keeping a life-altering secret from him for months now.

There’s no denying that this is it - this is his moment.

Andrew knows that by keeping this a secret for so long runs the risk of Lorenzo getting angry at him for not telling him sooner. He knows that the secret itself is more than Andrew would ever expect anyone to have to deal with, let alone someone he met less than a year ago. The number of things that can go wrong with this conversation far outweighs the number of things that might go well, and Andrew mentally prepares himself for the worst.

But Lorenzo loves him. Lorenzo loves him, and he wants to be with him, and that’s all Andrew ever wanted to be certain of in all of this. Knowing that Lorenzo wants to choose him, that he loves him, gives him hope that this might be okay.

“I love you too,” Andrew says, because it’s true and because he wants to make sure he gets to say it at least once if this all goes south. “And I want a future with you, too. By the angel, I’m not sure there’s anything I want more,” he says, the words spilling out of him in a breathy laugh. “But there’s something I have to tell you, first.”

At the start of Andrew’s reply, Lorenzo’s face is nothing but joy _,_ but now his smile falters before dropping entirely.

“What is it?” Lorenzo asks, suddenly guarded.

“Do you remember a few months ago, when you needed help banishing the demon those young warlocks summoned?” Andrew starts.

Lorenzo nods, and Andrew continues quickly, knowing that if he stops now he’s never going to follow through with the decision to just say it and get it over with.

“Do you remember at the end, when it said something and knocked Alec and me out of the circle?”

Lorenzo nods again.

“It cursed us. Alec and I. It-” Andrew swallows thickly, the words catching in a lump in his throat. “It made us immortal.”

There’s a long silence then, one where neither of them says a word while Lorenzo searches his expression for any sign that this isn’t exactly what Andrew’s saying it is.

“It made you…” Lorenzo starts, but his words trail off as he shakes his head. “No, that can’t be possible.”

Andrew can’t help the laugh that escapes his lips. “That’s what I said when we first found out,” he admits. “I wouldn’t accept it for a long time. I had them look for cures, a way to counter it, but it’s looking pretty permanent.”

A look of dawning realization crosses Lorenzo’s face as Andrew’s words process.

“Who looked for a counter? Who already knows?” Lorenzo asks. He looks like he doesn’t want to, like he might want to take the question back, except he doesn’t and it hangs heavy between them.

“Isabelle figured it out when she ran some tests. Alec told Magnus right away, and he had Catarina check on us to make sure nothing was, you know, _wrong_ , besides the lack of aging,” Andrew says and bites down on his lip when Lorenzo visibly tenses.

“I see,” Lorenzo says. There’s anger there but Andrew isn’t sure if it’s aimed more at him or at the others. Probably both.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, Ren. Don’t be too upset with the others, they wanted me to tell you from the start, and I made them promise not to.”

Now the anger is absolutely aimed at him.

“Why?” Andrew is surprised at how calm and even Lorenzo’s voice is when he asks.

“Because our relationship was still so new, and I was afraid if you found out that you’d, I dunno, feel obligated to stay with me out of guilt.” It sounds a little silly to admit now, knowing that Lorenzo truly loves him. “I wanted to give it more time… and then I gave it _too much_ time, and it never felt like the right moment to bring it up. Now I’m realizing there’s a bigger problem I didn’t think of before now.” Andrew stills and pales slightly.

“And what might that be?” Lorenzo looks as if he’s fighting the urge to reach out and comfort Andrew in his sudden distress.

“What if part of why we work so well is because it’s temporary? You said it yourself - you like to move away and move on. You wanted to stay thinking it’d be the length of a normal mortal life, a drop in the bucket for you. But if I’m not going to age…”

“You think I won’t want more time with the man I love?” Lorenzo scoffs. “That I wouldn’t be thrilled at the prospect of more years than I dared to hope for?”

Andrew’s breath catches in his chest. “...are you?”

All the tension bleeds out of Lorenzo at once. “I am. Of course I am, Andrew. I can’t say it’s anything I expected to face in our relationship, but I’d much rather face the idea of too much time with you than not nearly enough.”

Andrew winces instinctively at ‘too much time’, which is something he was afraid of but tries to control his reaction before Lorenzo notices. He isn’t fast enough.

“That isn’t- I didn’t mean-” Lorenzo stumbles over his words but this time he _does_ reach out and take Andrew’s hands in his own, giving them a comforting squeeze. “I just mean that as much as I was willing to work through the idea of you growing old and dying, I’m just as willing to work through the idea of you living forever.”

“But what if we… what if you get tired of me? Or I get tired of you, and-” the words come spilling out, as if now that he’s started talking about everything he kept in his head the past few months he can’t stop.

“Andrew,” Lorenzo says softly, cutting off his rambling. “Not all love between immortals lasts forever. I’m not saying it can’t be, but it’s very rare. People drift apart over time, it’s only natural. But just because something might not last forever doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate it while you have it, or that it’s diminished by what might come to pass later.”

Something settles in Andrew at those words. Before now everything felt very all-or-nothing. All of his fears over Lorenzo’s reaction were built around this assumption that if they stayed together after he found out it would be with the very intimidating and looming idea of _forever_ that now makes up Andrew’s life.

Andrew’s immortality changes things, but not in the immediately permanent sense he had built up in his mind before now. It doesn’t _have_ to be forever or nothing, and for Andrew’s fears that makes all the difference.

“I hadn’t thought of it like that,” Andrew admits, his previous panic faded as he considers this new point of view. A point of view he could’ve considered weeks ago had he come to Lorenzo from the start.

“I know this isn’t something you wanted,” Lorenzo continues, all the while his hands never leaving Andrew’s. “Immortality is far more of a burden than a blessing, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s your life now. And as long as _we’re_ together, then we tackle those issues together.”

Lorenzo pauses again. “At least, we _should_ be tackling those issues together. But I can’t do that if I don’t know about them. You shouldn’t have shouldered this alone for so long, Andrew. You should’ve let me help you.”

Andrew looks down at his feet, unable to meet Lorenzo’s gaze. He’s right. How long has Andrew seemed distant or distracted, weighed down and evasive? How can he ask forgiveness for doing the very thing Lorenzo just admitted he wanted to avoid: being afraid, closing himself off, and keeping others at arm’s length?

“But I understand why you did it,” Lorenzo adds, almost reluctantly. “I don’t like it, or agree with it, but I understand it.”

It’s enough to pull Andrew’s attention back up to Lorenzo’s face, to see how hard he’s trying to be the rock he knows Andrew needs in this moment, and Andrew’s never felt more adoration for anyone in his entire life than he does for Lorenzo right now, watching him put away all of his personal reservations to simply be here for Andrew.

“I’m sorry,” Andrew repeats. He doesn’t think he can say it enough times, but he’s going to try.

“You should be,” Lorenzo says, and Andrew tenses before he sees the corners of Lorenzo’s lips twitch. “You could’ve spared me a rather embarrassing conversation with Magnus about my _feelings_.”

Andrew’s eyes widen in surprise at that, picking up the hint of humor behind the annoyance, and then he _laughs_. He knows he shouldn’t but he can’t help it. Lorenzo looks caught off guard by the sudden sound for just a moment before he’s laughing, too.

“We’re going to be okay, aren’t we?” Andrew asks when they both settle once more. He wonders if Lorenzo can hear the questions hidden behind that one: _I didn’t wait too long, did I? I didn’t lose your trust forever, did I? I haven’t lost the love I only just gained, have I?_

“I believe we’re going to be just fine,” Lorenzo reassures him. “We have a lot to discuss, but I think we’ve covered more than enough for one night, don’t you? What do you say to leftovers and turning in early?”

It’s like Lorenzo can read his mind - or perhaps he can simply read the way Andrew’s entire body seems to slump with relief, the tension he held before his admission finally gone. They’re still standing in the foyer and Andrew is suddenly aware of just how weary he feels after everything - he couldn’t eat all day before this, and the admissions themselves were so emotionally taxing that all he wants to do is collapse into bed with Lorenzo curled around him.

Andrew nods, and just like that the topic is put on pause as Lorenzo sets about taking care of what Andrew needs right now.

They stick to their agreement to save any more discussion until tomorrow, and the night passes by so easily that Andrew almost forgets the confessions that brought them here, to a quiet dinner and a warm bath and under silk sheets all before 9:00.

For the first time since it happened, laying with Lorenzo’s arm draped over him and warm, steady breathing against the back of his neck, Andrew finds his mind peaceful enough to fall into the first of many easy nights of sleep.

The days won’t all end this painlessly, he knows, and there are bound to be fights and disagreements and heated debates. It isn’t going to be easy, but all it takes is the soft press of Lorenzo’s lips against his shoulder for Andrew to remember that he isn’t in this alone, at least not for now.

And for now, that’s all he needs.

**Author's Note:**

> (Find me on [Tumblr](http://bytheangell.tumblr.com) and also on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/By_The_Angell)! <3 )


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